It’s true that “seeing” as in planning and predicting the future is illusion most of the time.  It’s a silly comfort that we rely on when there is really no way to know what will come tomorrow, next year, or five from now.  Regardless, a clear picture of what I imagine is to come is the pillow I hug to myself to get to sleep at night.  Some say that it’s that time spent imagining that motivates us to create those circumstances.  Maybe I’m goal setting.  I imagined running my own business and now I’m doing that.  You picture yourself at the end of the marathon and you keep on running.  Whether I’m goal setting or trying to predict, the fact is, right now, I cannot see.

I was in New York last week.  One night, after spending a long day walking a hundred plus blocks looking at apartments, I still do not know what the apartment I will live in looks like.  I don’t know which pieces of furniture will fit, what will be new and what will be old.  I don’t know how my life will blend with someone else’s in a very very small space.  And I am vastly uncomfortable with the not-knowing.

I’m ten years old again, feeling my way through the racks at the clothing store seeing only blobs of color and no shapes or path.  I’m not even sure what I’m looking for.  But as I’ve discovered over and over, some of the best stuff is what you don’t see coming.

It’s simple but is just such a perfect fit for the story and what you’ll take away from reading it.  The story follows a girl as she struggles to make her dreams of a career in the music world a reality, to find a deep and lasting romance, fulfilling friendships, to identify herself and her beliefs and stand confidently in her skin.  This is the story of a girl, but not just one girl. Every girl. Each one of us, in our late teens and early twenties especially, faces struggles in dating, with our diet and weight, with drinking or caring for ourselves properly, with our faith, with self-confidence.  “Loved” will serve not only as a story I hope everyone enjoys reading, but as a tool for me to speak into the lives of young women. I hope to help girls to see that they aren’t alone in the struggles they face and encourage them to know, earlier than I did, how to love themselves and look further into their future.  We are already becoming who we’re going to be.

Stay tuned for more book news over the next few weeks!

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What a story! It’s not just the lives of these sad girls and the mystery of the motivation behind their young deaths that is so captivating, but the curiosity and fascination of the story’s narrator. You become another towns-person, a kid neighbor with prying eyes and not much else going on in your life aside from the strange people across the street. What you do see stands as evidence, but it’s what you don’t see that keeps you watching. And it’s this quality of the story that keeps you reading.

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On the Met steps.

It’s a funny thing when you realize something that everyone around you has known for some time.  You know what I mean, you say to your mom “I’ll think I’ll be a teacher” after 3 different majors and years of her telling you you’d make a great teacher.  Or you tell your best friend you’ve decided to go back to blonde because red maybe isn’t your color and she looks at you like she’s glad you’ve finally figured it out.  I’ve been getting that look a lot lately.

As you may have guessed after several months of hinting, I’ve decided to move to New York.  I’m not exaggerating when I say everyone I know, from old friends to new, from relatives to facebook friends I’ve never even met in person, everyone I know has had the same reaction: “Of course you are!”

And they’re right.  I probably should have moved there years ago, though everything happens for a reason.  The work I’m doing now – which is the most fun and challenging and rewarding and demanding in my career history – may not have come to be had I moved sooner.  So of course there are reasons.  But the good thing about the I-should-have-known I’m facing now is that it truly confirms that I am making the right decision.  My personality, my work, my hobbies, my friends, it all lines up with New York and I’m not the only person who thinks so!  (WHEW!)

The adventure begins in just a couple of short months, and you’ll surely be apprised of all the goings-on.  Let me encourage you, if you’ve been wanting to make a move, start a business, or take any step that you’ve been hesitating over: Have faith in yourself.  It might not be easy.  It might be terrifying and risky and may or more likely may not turn out like you think.  But the bigger steps are the ones that take you farther, and the places you find in life that you didn’t predict are the ones worth finding.

Here’s to your next adventure!

In several posts I’ve promised to tell you a little more of the love story I’m living right now.  Here’s a little bit of the beginning.

There’s always a moment when the next step in your life becomes inexplicably clear.  From something that had crossed your mind, a little shadow in a fog, to something right in front of you filling your view of the world.  Suddenly all of the necessary details, good and bad, are examinable.  All you have to do is reach out and take it, make a phone call, say yes.

I have this book of French poetry.  Each poem is printed twice, on opposing pages.  Once in French, which I read out loud to practice my pronunciation, and once in English, which I can use to reference the translation of words I don’t know.  This particular night I was reading in bed when I thought to myself how happy I was.  ”I’d rather be doing this tonight than anything else,” I thought.  Even further went my mind.  ”I’d rather be alone and doing this than doing something different with someone.”  Obviously, I struggle less with loneliness than the average human.  ”But, if there was someone who would be just as happy as I am doing just this very thing with me, that would be ok, too.”

And that’s when the picture became clear.  There was someone who was still a shadow in life.  Then a picture of him became clear in my mind and I knew: he would be happy to be reading french poetry with me as well as many other things I value just as highly.  In many ways, we were a unique and perfect fit.  Then it was right in front of me.  He was the one.  The only thing about someone being your “one” is that they have to think you’re their “one” too, and his moment hadn’t come yet.  But at least now I knew how I felt.  I knew the coordinates of my heart on the map.

Not long later, lightning struck.  I don’t know what his moment was, but I know there was one.  Out of the blue he called to confess he was done living out of fear: fear of failing, of disappointing me.  He was choosing love.

And now? We’re in different cities but that will be changing soon, and the French poetry readings will commence.

What’s an important snap-into-focus moment you’ve experienced?

Cheers to a great 2011 and an even better 2012!

According to wordpress, The Ooh La La Life was viewed 27,000 times last year. THANK YOU!  To kick off 2012, let’s take a look at some of your favorites and mine from last year.  Then I promise you something fun and new to follow.  Enjoy!

A Love Letter of Sorts: “Not a lot of artists can put their thumb into the hole in my heart and either make it throb almost unbearably or make it stop hurting for awhile.”
Water, Water Everywhere: “But in many ways we are like water.  We flow and change.  We nourish others.  We crash on the shore.  We are needed and we are good, but we can be dangerous.  Sometimes we fall from the sky.”
Love Writes History in “The History of Love” ”In a game of pretending that the opposite of truth is real, Bird yells, ‘I have not been unhappy my entire life!’”
A Tree Grows in Portland: ”I don’t feel like the tree, though, rooted into a ground made just right for my flourishing.”
Planting Perennials: “It’s like our minds are ever changing gardens, seeds planted each day that may grow once, may never see the light of day, or may return over and over when the climate is right.”
Good Greif: Creating new experiences is like putting stones across a pond on which to jump.  Step by step, you can move from one side to the other.
The Pulse of New York: “New York is just what I’ve been looking for: reading a book on a bench while violin music floats from just around the corner; running to catch the train and missing it but knowing there will be another in 4 minutes…the possibility of who you’ll meet or what you’ll discover with every step.”

After almost twelve years in Nashville I’d grown to believe I was building a home here.  Come to find out that what I was building was really within myself and will be carried far away from here in the coming year.  I can honestly say I don’t know whether or not I’ll come back other than to visit.  I could even say I don’t quite yet know this girl I am now or what she’s capable of, but I’m looking forward to getting to know her and her limitlessness.  As for the beds, other than a new home in a new city and one on a tour bus (!), I can’t say where I might find myself dreaming.  Hopefully no more stairwells.  But it’s more about the dreams I’m having than where I’m having them, isn’t it?

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Previously I had read and loved one of Anna Gavalda’s collections of short stories. Hunting for more from her, I came across “Hunting and Gathering.” In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how much I liked the main characters (any of them) and was slow to get caught up without that initial feeling of relating to someone in the book. However, a little further in and I found each of them fascinating if different from myself. Character development is strong, and the dynamic between the odd group of friends is so fragile. You know they need each other and you find yourself cheering them on to make their relationships work. If you’re into action, this may not be a good read for you, but if you like interesting characters and the study of self-growth and relationships, you will find beauty in this book and enjoy it thoroughly!

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I think there are more fairy tales in our lives today than we dare to imagine.  The sunsets out my window alone are like magic.  There is romance there.  The opportunities we are given in our lives, the friends who charm our days, the love we find in another person – beyond logic.

“Fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” G.K. Chesterton

And love!  Sometimes the thing you least expect to happen does.  The poisoned girl in the glass coffin wakes with a kiss.  The prince defeats the fire breathing dragon (not to mention the forest of thorns, the treacherous moat and the guarded tower), the guy you thought had moved away and forgotten you drives fifteen hours and shows up at your door.

I am living a fairy tale of my own. My hope has been renewed right along with all the old stories.  I can’t wait to tell you mine, but it’s still being written.  Perhaps I’ll tell you the beginning of it soon.

Tell me: What’s your favorite love story, fairy tale or otherwise?

“Excuse me!” the woman called out, and we turned.  “Would you help me across?”

Mom smiled and took the woman’s arm, started back across the street from where we’d come, asked her how long she’d lived in New York, where she was headed.  Though she’d lived in the neighborhood a long time, she couldn’t see very well and was having trouble finding her doctor’s office.

We walked the woman across the street and around the corner, opened the door for her.  I thought to myself, if only it were so easy as to have someone take me by the arm and walk me to the right place.  I guess life doesn’t hand you those courtesies until you’ve earned them.

What truly touched me about this moment though was my mother.  Not only was she not concerned about taking the time to help this woman, I could see the sparkle in her eyes, the sincerity of her smile, hear the eagerness in her questions.  My mom received joy from helping this woman.  Maybe that’s something that comes with age, too.  Or perhaps it’s just a gift, her servant’s heart.  Regardless, my mother – both my parents actually – continue to inspire me with their work ethic and their truly giving spirits.

Something to focus on this holiday season: give with joy.

*Photo by Michael Carlton, Paris.